Dear Santa,

I hear tell of a rumor that you may be feeling a bit blue, so I figured I’d drop you a line to cheer your spirits.  But why so glum, chum?  OK, OK – I know it’s that time of year when you’re supposed to be top-of-mind for everyone, and what with Mr. Media Darling Obama and that pretty boy vampire what’s-his-name Cullen, I suppose it’s natural that you might be feeling a little… ignored.  A bit overlooked.  Maybe even slightly taken for granted.

But Santa, truly, you’re still important to all of us.  No, really!  We’re still thinking about you, and kids are still lining up to take pictures with you… OK, maybe not as many as want to line up to get their pictures taken with Obama, and maybe the teenage girls would rather sit on Edward Cullen’s lap than yours, but come on.  It’s just a phase.  They’ll all grow out of it and you’ll still be their favorite, really.

I’ll be honest, Santa: I do feel a little guilty for talking about Obama so much and mostly ignoring you up to this point.  But you have to understand that this election was kind of a biggie for everyone.  And I talk about the voice of the people as told by our merchandise – and so it wasn’t me ignoring you, really.  I’m just the messenger, so please consider that salient point when deciding whether my name goes down on the “naughty” or “nice” side of your all-important ledger.

And hey – there’s more Santa T-shirts than there are Twilight T-shirts, so see?  You’re the rosy-cheeked fat man that makes a positive and lasting impression, and ever so much more affable than that pale, gaunt Emo-chic vampire boy.  Sure, Obama T-shirts outnumber yours, but it was his season.  The election season, you know.  And this election season was really long, and yours really only starts in earnest after Thanksgiving.  (After Halloween is merely your primaries, and it’s hard to compete with Pilgrims and turkey while children are crashing from a sustained sugar high and are in dire need of some protein.)  Yes, I know he’s kinda horning in on your month and your schtick, but the Inauguration is just a month away and by next Christmas you’ll be on top again.  Really.

Oh come on, Santa.  Don’t give me that look.  Just because Edward Cullen makes moody faces and sends the girls swooning doesn’t mean that it suits someone who’s made a name for himself as “merry” and “jolly.”  You don’t hear anyone out there singing heartfelt songs about Moody Young Edward Cullen, do you?  No, of course not.  But you still have children going door-to-door invoking your name, and that means that you’re not long forgotten.

Here’s an idea to cheer you up: I know it’s crunch time, but why not give everyone a night off?  Go enjoy a nice Christmas bash with the Elves and Mrs. Claus, drink too much of Mrs. Claus’ lethal eggnog and then get Rudolph to take you out on a joy ride.  (Just make sure he hasn’t hit the eggnog too – drinking and flying don’t mix.)  You might even invite the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy over to commiserate.

Anyway, I’m sure you have lots of other letters to read (and I bet you have more than Obama or Edward Cullen – maybe), so I’ll leave you to them.

Be well, don’t forget to bundle up on your big night, and please do remember to stop by.  I’m making gingerbread men this year, and I know they’re your favorite.

Thanks for always being there for us,

buzzcowboy

Let’s face it: holiday shopping isn’t for everyone.  Some people just don’t have the time or energy to get out there and hit the pavement in search of The Perfect Gift, and some people are just out of ideas for those hard-to-buy-for, Ungiftable members of their list.

Figuring that a wireless connection was the only barrier between some frustrated shoppers and the checkmark next to their Ungiftable, we hit Union Square in San Francisco – the shopping mecca of the city – to help some people find a great present while hanging out with me, my computer and a latte.

We achieved gifting success for all parties involved, and a good time was had by all.

Ungiftables Challenge 2008 from CafePress on Vimeo.

So if you’re stumped for a gift, feel free to shoot me a note.  I’ll help you find something that fits your budget and thrills your giftee – and even if we’re not hanging around drinking coffee and watching ice skaters together while finding a great gift, you can of course do that with your own computer.

Gas prices may be down, but Pickens Plan visionary T. Boone Pickens will warn you not to celebrate. In fact, he’ll point out that OPEC lowers oil prices whenever Americans get serious about losing our dependency on foreign oil, that this kind of intentional price fixing has gone on for decades, that our foreign oil consumption has risen from 24% to 70% in the past 40 years, and that it’s high time for the United States to get serious and use our own resources to produce our own energy.

So who is this guy, anyway? And what’s the Pickens Plan?

T. Boone Pickens is an Oklahoma oil billionaire who has a lot to say on the topic of oil and energy. These days he’s on a mission: replace at least 1/3 of our foreign oil imports in the next 10 years by harnessing natural energy native to the United States, most notably wind. As he puts it, “The United States is the Saudi Arabia of wind power.”

The Pickens Plan notes that using the windy Midwest to help power a nation will not only create clean, renewable energy but will also allow for job revitalization in these states.

The plan also calls for solar power, bio-fuels and natural gas as a replacement for oil – Pickens is most interested in shifting the trucking industry to natural gas, as trucks of that size can’t run on a hybrid engine. At this point most of our natural gas is used to produce electricity, so Pickens proposes a swap: use the sun and wind to produce electricity, swap vehicles (most notably trucking) over to natural gas, and we’ve just reduced our foreign oil investment by 1/3 or more while reinvesting money into our own economy, not to mention creating thousands of American jobs.

To help spread the word, they have a Pickens Plan shop with merchandise available at cost.  For more information about the plan or to get involved, check out the Pickens Plan website.

And yes, T. Boone himself wins a Fantasy T-Wearer award, with the “Stiff Breeze” design above.  Though he’s rarely seen out of a suit and tie, so perhaps a trucker hat might work better.

Well, they can’t say they didn’t warn us.  The folks over at RecallRod.org have undergone a name change today upon hearing the news that Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and his Chief of Staff, John Harris, were arrested on federal corruption charges.  The new name of the site?  ImpeachRod.org.

It would seem that Governor Blagojevich viewed the Senate vacancy left by Barack Obama’s Presidential win as his own personal trading card.  Other charges include attempts to fire Chicago Tribune journalists that criticized him in exchange for state help of the Wrigley Field sale, which is owned by the newly (financially, but apparently not ethically) bankrupt Tribune Company.  The arrests are a culmination of a 3-year investigation.

In a statement, U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald noted, “The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering.  They allege that Blagojevich put a ‘for sale’ sign on the naming of a United States senator; involved himself personally in pay-to-play schemes with the urgency of a salesman meeting his annual sales target; and corruptly used his office in an effort to trample editorial voices of criticism.”

And so it is that Governor Blagojevich wins a Fantasy T-Wearer award this week with the “For Sale” t-shirt here at left.  (With so many Blagojevich t-shirts to choose from we had a hard time finding the best one, but we liked this one for its general message and it being the closest color we have to prison jumpsuit orange.)

We do realize that this shirt may contain a dangerous message to be sporting in the slammer, but then again federal prison offers no end of opportunity for Blagojevich to leverage the hidden supply of cigarettes and chewing gum he traded for preferential seating at the Cool Kids Table in the prison cafeteria.  So it’s apt to be… well, apt.

(Fortunately for this writer, CafePress is out of Blagojevich’s jurisdiction.  And we don’t have a baseball stadium for sale either.)

‘Tis the season to be jolly… unless you’re one of those folks who’s feeling hassled under the pressure of finding the perfect gift on a limited budget for your entire family, your best friend’s dog and your workplace Annual Non-Denominational Secret Magical Gnome Gift Exchange recipient.

But hey, don’t feel overwhelmed – the perfect gift is always in reach. And we’re here to help you find it by finding easy solutions to…

3 common Gifting Challenges

1. I hate the mall, I hate crowds, and the holiday shopping process makes me want to throw a popcorn ball at someone.
2. I want to get thoughtful gifts for everyone, but time is money and I’m short on both.
3. That guy is impossible to buy for. Like seriously impossible.

Sound about right? No worries: we have answers.

1 : The Holiday shopping scene turns me into the Grinch

Crowded holiday shopping centers aren’t for the faint of heart. So why go there? You can find gifts for the entire family in the CafePress Marketplace, and that includes the dog. Save on shipping by having everything sent to you; alternatively, avoid lugging packages through airport security by having gifts shipped directly to their recipients. Either way, you can sit in the comfort of your own home, skip the crowds and shop in your underwear. We won’t judge you.

2 : Time is Money, and I’m short on both

‘Tis true: finding a thoughtful gift requires… well, thought.  And that can require a lot of legwork.  But since CafePress has 175 million+ items all based around people’s interests, chances are that you can save yourself time by thinking about your gift recipient’s hobbies, passions and lifestyle.

Remember, it’s the content of the t-shirt or mug that’s meaningful; the actual product is a canvas that allows for self-expression.  So focus on hobbies, passions and interests – then think about your budget and what exact product works within it.  Most our merchandise is $25 or less, and we even have millions of gifts around the $10 mark.  So don’t worry – there’s something in there that fits your budget and your gift recipient’s wish list.

The more modifiers you use on a search, the more time you save.  If you know your sister loves her dog, think about what kind of dog she has.  Then think about her own personal style.  A search like “Boston Terrier Retro” is going to be a lot more manageable than “Dog.”

3 : That guy is impossible to shop for

We all have that person on the list that seems Ungiftable – and to that end, we’ve come up with The Ungiftables, a series of archetypes that frighten even the most intrepid of shoppers.

Thing is, nobody’s truly ungiftable.  Even an easily-sunburned nudist can find something great at CafePress, and that means that your Ungiftable is truly only a few mouse clicks away from the perfect present.

If you have an extra-special gifting challenge that needs addressing, you’re welcome to take part in our Ungiftables Challenge 2008.  We can help you find that perfect gift for anyone on the list, so bring it on.

So, to sum up: finding the perfect, thoughtful gift is easier and less painful than a root canal.  Really.  And it’s a lot cheaper, too.

Breathalizers aren’t just for late-night traffic stops anymore.  Australian lawmakers (well, the sober ones anyway) are considering requiring politicians to take breathalizer tests before they vote on laws.

This recommendation has come after a couple “Politicos Gone Wild” incidents wherein politicians had a little too much fun at the office party, and the next thing they knew were on the front page of the paper dancing in their underwear with staffers.

The measure is backed by Conservative Opposition Leader Barry O’Farrell and some members of the Green Party, as well as Parliament’s speaker Harry Jenkins.  But of course everyone knows that Harry Jenkins is a total buzzkill and a general embarrassment to his cousin Mr. Jenkins.

Whether this measure will get to a vote remains to be seen.  What’s certain is that Barry O’Farrell and Harry Jenkins have just been disinvited to the Boxing Day Beer Bust.

Congress was again visited by the Big 3 CEO’s this week. (i.e. the Rocket Scientist and the Basketball player – Chrysler CEO Robert Nardelli doesn’t have a resume that lends itself to a distinguishing moniker, though his $210 million dollar sayonara package he received for being shooed out of Home Depot could possibly earn him the nickname The Platinum Parachuter.)

The Marine joined them (United Autoworkers President United Ron Gettelfinger), completing the lineup of the Frant(ast)ic Four.

It’s worth noting that the discomfited CEO’s ditched the private jets for this trip, opting instead to drive hybrid vehicles the 500 miles to Detroit.  The move was a bold one given that Ford and GM are selling their corporate jets, thus enabling Nardelli to pick up Wagoner and Mullaly in the Chrylser jet so they could get in the jet carpool lane for the journey.  But no, the jetpool was set aside this time around as these road warriors took to the actual road.

It would seem that using barely over a tank of gas for that leg of the trip created bright, spiral-shaped and energy-efficient lightbulbs above their heads, as the CEO’s admitted mistakes to Congress and vowed to focus on making smaller, hybrid and fuel-efficient vehicles.  Hmm… why didn’t anyone else think of that?

While the Big 3 are now asking for more money – $34 billion dollars, up $9 billion from the last request – what they’re not asking for is a “bailout.”

What they are asking for: a “bridge loan.”

You say bridge loan, I say bailout, you say emergency aid, I say government handout…

OK, so it’s not that catchy.  Tomato, tomato… yes, admittedly that’s better.

Let’s see what the dictionary tells us:

Main Entry: bail·out
Pronunciation: \ˈbā-ˌlau̇t\
Function: noun
Date: 1951
: a rescue from financial distress

Hmm.

Whatever you want to call it, the Big 3 CEO’s win a Fantasy T-Wearer Award this week, wearing the Jets for Sale t-shirt above.  And they get an extra-special bonus Fantasy Bumper Sticker Award as well – may they all put any sticker pictured above on the hybrid of their choice.  (Chrysler, you can put them on your jet too.)

With rumors of Hillary Clinton’s appointment to Secretary of State confirmed, some motivated designers ’round these parts are having a good ol’ time adding to the already populous anti-Hillary t-shirt collection that sprung up during the primaries.

So if you’re stumped on a Christmas gift for Aunt Susan who just can’t stand HRC but already has too many cat sweatshirts, you’re in luck: in addition to the shirts there’s also a few useful anti-Hillary gifts, including the notebook at right. It’s blank inside, thus better enabling Aunt Susan to chronicle the hijinks of her favorite cat Sammy. (And don’t forget – if you’re stumped on a gift this season, feel free to participate in our Ungiftables Challenge.)

Of course, Hillary’s appointment means that someone needs to take her Senate seat. New York Governor David Paterson is the one who chooses her replacement, and it’s probably safe to say that Eliot Spitzer is off the short list. One name rumored to be on that list, though, may surprise some people: Bill Clinton.

Whether Bill Clinton would consider taking his wife’s Senate seat is purely conjecture at this point. What we do know: it would make for some interesting t-shirts.

In an interview with Charlie Gibson, President Bush looked back at his 8 years and discussed the economy, unemployment, Obama, the election, the Iraq war and the overall business of being President.

Bush’s biggest regret?  The “intelligence failure in Iraq.”  (Indeed, that familiar phrase and related topics have resonated with designers over the past 5 years as well.)  Though he acknowledged that he was “unprepared” for war and regrets that the reports of WMD’s were incorrect, the President did not answer Gibson’s question as to whether the Iraq invasion would have take place had it been widely known that there were no WMD’s in Iraq.

Asked what his greatest accomplishment has been, the President’s response was: “I keep recognizing we’re in a war against ideological thugs and keeping America safe.”  The First Lady also felt that her husband would be remembered for keeping America safe.

As for his greatest disappointments, Bush listed finding no WMD’s, Iraq in general, and immigration reform.  He didn’t specify what about Iraq was a disappointment, but we have 1.3 million Iraq products that give a pretty clear picture of what the American people think.

Bush notes during the interview that he doesn’t worry about how short-term history will judge him, and perhaps that’s a good thing.  Of the 1.8 million Bush t-shirts and other merchandise created by users with something to say, the vast majority is most assuredly not something the President would want to wear to a family reunion.

The President did mention plans to write a book, so perhaps he’ll give the American people some insight as to his own historical viewpoint in the not-so-distant future.

Wearing fitted pants isn’t just a fashion tip anymore; as New York Giant Plaxico Burress taught us all this weekend, it’s a safety tip, too.

Burress is in hot water after accidentally shooting himself in the leg in Manhattan’s LQ nightclub, where he’d been detained by security after telling them he was packing heat.  Explaining that his bling needed a nickel-plated bodyguard, Burress was allowed to enter the club with his gun.

Unfortunately, Burress ostensibly doesn’t believe in engaging a safety.  Nor does he apparently find a gun holster to be a fashionable nightclub firearm accessory, as it would seem he was instead carrying his weapon in his waistband.

Gravity and clumsiness did the rest, as the gun slipped down his pants leg, Burress fumbled to catch it, and he shot himself in the thigh during the process.

On the bright side for Giants fans, Burress is arguably more skilled at handling footballs than he is at handling handguns.  On the not-so-bright side, Burress just signed a $35 million dollar contract with the Giants and is now sidelined due to both a pulled hamstring and, more recently, a bullet hole in his leg.

While his future with the Giants is an unknown, it’s safe to assume that Burress has dethroned Dick Cheney as the least likely candidate to replace Charleton Heston as NRA celebrity spokesperon.

And so we award Plaxico Burress a Fantasy T-Wearer award, wearing the “Guns Backfire” t-shirt seen here at right.