It was Christmas morning, 1983. I was a 10-year-old Star Wars junkie (and now I’m a 39-year-old Star Wars junkie) eagerly anticipating what awesome Star Wars toys were awaiting me under the Christmas tree.
Would I find an Imperial Shuttle? Perhaps the B-Wing Fighter was perched under the tree with its S foils extended. Or maybe the Ewok Village was all set up with my Ewoks, replaying the scene where Luke, Han, and Chewie were going to be barbequed to appease the Gods.
Okay, so yeah, I did get the Imperial Shuttle and the B-Wing fighter (I ended up getting the Ewok Villiage and other items later), but the real disappointment was something else.
Sure, I was used to getting a dress shirt and tie with some slacks and dress socks that would reside in my closet never to be seen again. Or even a new rain jacket and rain boots. I always did like getting a wallet, but I always seemed to get 4-5 wallets every Christmas, which was annoying. Or even the random, bizarre toy was acceptable. But this was different. This was just… ugly.
I picked it up out of the box and there it was. It might have been the ugliest thing I’d ever seen. It was a big, woolly, burgundy sweater with a giant white reindeer on it. And it had black and burgundy stripes on the sleeves. It was simply hideous, but because it was from my grandmother, I had to wear it for Christmas dinner. Luckily I was able to replay the Battle of Endor all day, but I knew that sweater laid in wait for me.
Guests started to arrive and my mother told me to get dressed. So I did, but I didn’t wear the sweater. She didn’t notice at first, until my grandmother arrived. She asked, “Where is your new sweater? Why aren’t you wearing it? Go put it on.” Ugh.
Of course everyone thought I was so handsome in my new sweater, but I knew how horrible it was. I knew the shame of wearing this sweater. I knew no good could come of it. It was incredibly itchy, hot, and uncomfortable. I hated it and begged to take the sweater off, but my mother said no.
Sweaters still make me twitch to this day…
So in honor of every child of the 80s who was forced to wear an ugly sweater to Christmas dinner, I give you our Ugly Sweater T-Shirt collection. Relive the humor of the moment, head out to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party, or just get one because they’re retro. Seems like the 80s is back anyway, mullets, bad mustaches, and ugly sweaters. It’s a trifecta of horribleness!
Wear this t-shirt with pride and know you can take it off whenever you want to. Your mom can’t tell you what to do anymore…