Toe jams

In this week’s “shirts that make you go hmm…

Well, OK.  It’s a sticker, not a shirt.  But still.  Huh?

Here’s one scenario:

Darlene was a fourth-generation aerialist, descended from a long line of Russian-born circus performers.  Darlene was the star performer in the touring troupe of Cirque du Soleil, right up until her left pinky toe began to twich uncontrollably at all the wrong moments.  The tightrope, after all, is not known for its forgiveness.

At first, Darlene thought it was just a strained tendon.  But doctor after doctor couldn’t find anything, and after one of Darlene’s ill-timed episodes led to a trapeze fall during a performance she went to see a specialist.

Knowing that Darlene was depressed and that her work was suffering, her long-time aerialist partner Svetlana had secretly made up this special sticker and stuck it to the back of Darlene’s Geo Metro, a relic from her time outside the circus when she decided to make a go as a stand-up comedienne.  (Well, techincally she was an airborne comedienne, as Darlene’s hook was delivering her performance while flying through the air via lighting equipment, thus enraging gaffers and stage managers at various open mic venues.)

Svetlana surely couldn’t know that Darlene would return from seeing a specialist to find out that she was suffering from the incurable toe-version of alien hand syndrome, thus making the now-affixed gift a bit too true to be funny.  Darlene also suspected that Svetlana’s gag gift may have cursed her (circus performers can be so superstitious), and decided then and there to leave the circus forever.

Nonetheless, Darlene kept the sticker on her Geo Metro, and the last thing her circus friends saw of her was a sad, waving hand out the driver’s side door, the sticker getting smaller and smaller as she drove away.

Lest you think this story ends up tragically, rest assured that Darlene was always a lot funnier when she wasn’t trying to tell jokes while flying through the air.  Sometimes, multi-tasking just isn’t a good thing.

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