Did you run out and buy paper masks when the swine flu scare hit the headlines? Does every bugbite make you wonder whether you’ve contracted the flesh-eating disease? Do you avoid Australia entirely due to its large population if poisonous flora and fauna? Are you convinced that your neighbors are covert terrorists? Do you plan your vacation around color-coded terror alerts?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you’ll be happy to know that today is International Panic Day – so if someone you know tells you to relax, you might remind them that panic is appropriate on such an esteemed international holiday.

Speaking of panic, we shall now panic about the fact that our groovy poll decided to blow up. That being the case, we’ll just share the results:

So there you have it. Zombies are more reason to panic than the swine flu or the Taliban’s proximity to Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal. In the “other” category, Obama beat out unemployment.

Since people are using today to panic about zombies, we’d like to remind everyone of the ever-useful zombie safety guide made by one of our Shopkeepers.

Be safe out there. If you do panic, just remember tip #2: always aim for high ground. You will be more difficult to eat.

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With Fathers’ Day this coming Sunday, everyone’s looking for that perfect gift for Dad.

The editor of “Details” magazine found his unique Dad gift choices in our system, and wore his favorite on the Today show.  Here’s the clip:

And if you want to add something a little extra to Dad’s gift, there’s always the remote-control beer cooler.

Here are the featured designs:

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Gas prices may be down, but Pickens Plan visionary T. Boone Pickens will warn you not to celebrate. In fact, he’ll point out that OPEC lowers oil prices whenever Americans get serious about losing our dependency on foreign oil, that this kind of intentional price fixing has gone on for decades, that our foreign oil consumption has risen from 24% to 70% in the past 40 years, and that it’s high time for the United States to get serious and use our own resources to produce our own energy.

So who is this guy, anyway? And what’s the Pickens Plan?

T. Boone Pickens is an Oklahoma oil billionaire who has a lot to say on the topic of oil and energy. These days he’s on a mission: replace at least 1/3 of our foreign oil imports in the next 10 years by harnessing natural energy native to the United States, most notably wind. As he puts it, “The United States is the Saudi Arabia of wind power.”

The Pickens Plan notes that using the windy Midwest to help power a nation will not only create clean, renewable energy but will also allow for job revitalization in these states.

The plan also calls for solar power, bio-fuels and natural gas as a replacement for oil – Pickens is most interested in shifting the trucking industry to natural gas, as trucks of that size can’t run on a hybrid engine. At this point most of our natural gas is used to produce electricity, so Pickens proposes a swap: use the sun and wind to produce electricity, swap vehicles (most notably trucking) over to natural gas, and we’ve just reduced our foreign oil investment by 1/3 or more while reinvesting money into our own economy, not to mention creating thousands of American jobs.

To help spread the word, they have a Pickens Plan shop with merchandise available at cost.  For more information about the plan or to get involved, check out the Pickens Plan website.

And yes, T. Boone himself wins a Fantasy T-Wearer award, with the “Stiff Breeze” design above.  Though he’s rarely seen out of a suit and tie, so perhaps a trucker hat might work better.

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The holidays are a time of celebrating one another – but finding a thoughtful gift for everyone on your list can turn even the cheeriest merrymaker into the Grinch.  We all have that person who seems impossible to shop for, whether it be your overly-friendly postman who’s waiting for his big break as a stand-up comedian and has a tendency to make off-color jokes on your front porch in front of company, or your brother’s annoying, airheaded girlfriend with the 5 snapping Pomeranians in matching sweaters and coordinated carrying satchels that she insists on bringing everywhere she goes.

And for those members of your shopping list, we offer you hope: you’re not alone.  And you’re not out of ideas, you just haven’t found The Big Idea yet.  But don’t worry, we can help.

Introducting: The Ungiftables!

The Ungiftables are a fearless group of gift recipients not for the faint of heart.  But find them the right present and you go down as a gifting rock star.

Is your sister a vegan womens’ studies major on a macrobiotic diet who only wears organic clothing and refuses any mode of transport that involves gasoline?  No problem.

Is Uncle Randy prone to wearing tinfoil hats, railing about 9-11 being an inside job and getting drunk off homemade wine that he knows hasn’t been tampered with by the Illuminati?  Hey, we’ve got him covered.

So check out The Ungiftables to see whether your Ungiftable is represented.  But if not, don’t fret: you’re sure to find something among the other 150 million+ products in the CafePress Marketplace.  Another bonus: our presents won’t cost you an arm and a leg.  (But if Cousin Sally the aspiring Beat Poet has a leg fetish with a particular penchant for skinny guys in black sock and shorts, we got her too.)

And if you’re hitting a road block and really can’t think of that perfect present for your son’s narcoleptic substitute teacher, let us help you by taking part in:

**THE UNGIFTABLE CHALLENGE 2008**

E-mail us a description of your Ungiftable, and we’ll get back to you with some ideas.  Address is blog (at) cafpress (dot) com.

So shoot us a note – we’ll get right to work finding the perfect gift for your new neighbor who wasted no time in painting her house the brightest of tangerines, and bedecking her front yard by proudly setting up her extensive collection of garden gnomes around the huge, fanciful and slightly naughty water fountain of Michaelangelo’s David.

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Arrrrr! Today be international talk like a sea dog tide, ya scurvy dog whut deserves the black spot!

Of course, any self-respectin’ sea dog wears official Talk Like a pirate T-shirts on their days off, though we suspect that Captain Jack Sparrow might wear a variety o’ funny t-shirts underneath that frock of his…

Gi’en that International Talk Like a Shipmate Tide has had the’r official shirts at CafePress fer voyages now, we be perhaps nay so surprised – but very amused – t’ take a Customer Service call on Septembree 19th a wee voyages aft wherein our customer talked like a swashbuckler through th’ entire call.

Due t’ Captain Legal Beagle, we won`t be postin’ th’ actual audio o’ that call. Instead, we`ve done a dramatic, word-fer-word re-enactment o’ spake call.

So aye: this call really did happen. This be basically a word-fer-word excerpt. So reckon: if ye find yersef makin’ a phone order today, dasn’t forget t’ talk like a swashbuckler!

Pirate Customer Service call

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A curious trend has presented itself to us via the t-shirt: squirrels, apparently, make good pets. Or at least some folks think so.

Now, with so many millions of members we figure that we’re going to have something for everyone. The surprise for us wasn’t so much that people like squirrels, but that people like their squirrel.

Two separate shopkeepers have noted that, incredibly, the “my squirrel” merchandise outsells general “squirrel” merchandise. Hmm.

Now we’ve all seen crazy pictures of waterskiing squirrels, commando squirrels, etc. We’ve seen these pictures and I think many of us probably thought they were Photoshopped. But now we’re starting to wonder…

I have a yard full of squirrels due to some massive, old oak trees that provide them with a wonderful Swiss Family Robinson-type homestead. I have seen these squirrels play. I have seen them taunt my dogs. I have seen them eat through my fanciful deck Christmas lights, running away with the bulb and ruining the entire section of lighting before they realize that it’s a lightbulb and not, sadly, a delicious clear nut. (It’s possible, of course, that they know darn well that these aren’t nuts and that they just do this to annoy me. It works.)

What they haven’t done, however, is give me any indication that they make good pets. Nor have I developed a specific attachment to any one squirrel or been moved to identify any particular one as “mine.”

Which is why I don’t own an “I [heart] my squirrel” t-shirt. But I am fascinated by those who do. So please, squirrel guardians: step forward and make yourselves known. I am dying to know what’s so special about your squirrel.

And if you’re an animal communicator, please do ask them why they insist on eating my Christmas lights.

-buzzcowboy (posted by admin because she is off at cowboy camp)

UPDATE from buzzcowboy: OK, I have a confession to make.  When I was a kid I used to tame squirrels to the point that they would come up and eat peanuts out of my hands.  One (we named him Harold) would actually come up and take peanuts off my person, i.e. I could lay on the ground and he would climb up on me and take the peanut from next to the googly-eye on my little kid 80’s t-shirt.

That being said, I still didn’t think that Harold was “my” squirrel and I didn’t consider him a pet.  But I suppose that if someone had gifted me a googly-eyed “My squirrel rocks!” t-shirt (googly eyes were all the rage in the early 80’s), I would have thought it was funny.  And I would have worn it.

OK – I might even still wear it, if it’s truly vintage and has the googly eyes.  There, I said it.

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